WHY AM I CRYING AFTER EVERY SHIFT IN RESIDENCY? IS IT NORMAL?
Is it Normal?
Well…it depends. AND, you are absolutely not alone–at least according to multiple reddit posts asking this and similar questions. Having post- shift, or potentially during shift (🙋♀️ raise your hand if you’re a bathroom stall crier) breakdown is not unheard of.
What’s probably freaking you the fuck out is that prior to residency, you cried maybe once a year AND would never cry in public. Now, you cry at dumb commercials; when you’re angry about your schedule; or overwhelmed by a new procedure. You cry in hospital hallways, bathrooms, breakrooms, in the parking lot, or the moment you get home.
You’ve always been so strong, now you feel like a ‘wimp’. You’re not only scared about what crying after every shift in residency means for you and your career, you’re wondering why it's happening to begin with.
Why are you crying after every shift in residency?
You’ve spent your shift, bouncing efficiently from:
rounds → answering a code → charting → staffing with a nurse → having a difficult prognosis conversation with a family
back to charting. Only for your attending to abruptly ask why your notes aren’t finished.
You’ve calmly handled it all. But as soon as you sit in the silence of your car, you burst into tears (think ugly cry tears). You get home and think WTF? Why can’t I handle it?
Nervous System Overwhelm.
How humans survive day to day is wild! As a resident, you're constantly making high-stakes decisions while caring for critically ill people. You’re expected to be calm while everyone around you is scared, grieving, or looking to you for answers.
So, you focus. Compartmentalize. Move from one task to the next.
There often isn’t enough time to notice that you're scared, sad, angry, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted—you just keep going.
Eventually, the shift ends. You're alone.
There's nothing immediately demanding your attention. The adrenaline starts to wear off.
And suddenly, your guard comes down and you have time to process everything you didn't have time to feel during the shift.
High Stress and Emotionally Intense Situations.
Residency asks you to carry an enormous amount of responsibility while navigating some of the hardest moments of other people’s lives—no matter your given specialty.
On the daily, you’re having life- alternating conversations about serious illness, devastating diagnoses, injury, dying, and death.
All the while expecting to be compassionate without falling apart, decisive without knowing for certain that you're right, and competent enough to keep moving when a patient or family is having the worst day of their lives.
That's a lot for one person to carry.
And, if you’re also holding yourself to a standard of doing everything flawlessly (and let’s be real, you probably are), well…that’s even more to carry.
Residency Culture and Exhaustion.
Residency asks you to do an enormous amount of difficult work while having relatively little control over how long you’re working (60+ hours a week is ungodly), when you're working (overnights, moonlighting, on-call shifts), and sometimes even where you do it.
Your time away from the hospital isn't actually recovery time. You’re finishing paperwork and studying when you're technically “off.” All the while, trying to fit in basic adulting tasks like laundry, groceries, and maybe exercise. We won’t even get into trying to make time for things like hobbies or socializing–attempting to have some semblance of a life outside of medicine.
Many residents feel a pressure to suck it up, keep going, and figure it out. There’s a social stigma surrounding voicing concerns or struggles. Asking for help can feel embarrassing, like admitting you don’t belong. Speaking up can feel risky. And criticism becomes the normalized teaching method. The imposter syndrome is real!
OMG! After all of that, no wonder you're exhausted on all fronts. So… let’s talk through some other ways to let go after a long shift. But, first, is it ok that I’m crying after every shift in residency?
First things first, yes, crying is ok!
A more fitting question might be, is crying helping you process what you’re feeling, or is it leaving you feeling just as overwhelmed afterward? It’s not so much the crying, but rather what happens afterward.
If after crying on your couch (or quickly in the hall) you are able to let go of your built up feelings, feel better, and transition into home life without ruminating over the shift, feeling down about yourself, or lashing out at your partner — then crying maybe a way your body releases what you’ve been carrying.
If you find yourself crying after every shift in residency because you're so exhausted, so depleted and dejected by the shifts, feeling disappointed by the program and questioning why you're doing this; or after the cry, you continue to overthink your shift and all the mistakes you made, or still feel like crawling out of your skin — then, crying may not be a release. It may be a signal it’s time to consider extra support.
Ok, I understand why I'm crying after every shift in residency AND that it’s ok. So, what do I do?
Gotcha! While you like to understand the why and knowing it is ‘normal,’ you also want to know how to make it stop — or happen less.
As you wish…4 other ways to let go of intense feelings, so that one brutal shift doesn’t have to knock you off your feet.
Don’t shy away from the feeling.
Quick experiment…don’t think about cake. Did your favorite birthday cake just pop into your head?
EXACTLY!
The more we try to push away a thought, the more we think about that thing.
The same thing can happen with emotions. The more you try to convince yourself, “I'm fine. I'm not burned out. I just need to make it through this week/to my next post-call day/to vacation,” the harder it can become to actually process and recover. Whatever you're feeling is coming from somewhere real, so it deserves some consideration. That doesn't mean every feeling is telling you something 100% accurate or needs to be acted on.
Therapist Tip: Try treating your feelings like data points.
When an emotion comes up, ask yourself:
What is this feeling telling me about what happened today? What might I need right now?
Maybe you're angry because you felt powerless. Or you're crying because you're overwhelmed. Or exhausted because you've been going hard for decades.
You don't have to fix the feeling. Notice it. Name it. Get curious about it. Then decide what you want to do with the information it's giving you—when you have more than 5 seconds.
2. Have a post-shift ritual (or rituals).
After a long shift, your body may be coming down from hours of adrenaline and your brain may finally have space to process everything that happened. Making it hard to switch from doctor mode to home mode the minute you walk out of the hospital. Give yourself a transition.
Therapist Tip: Make it short & simple (bonus points for fun).
Scream in the car. Dance to shake it out in the parking lot. Grab a milkshake on your way home. Take a scorching shower in silence.
It doesn't have to be productive. It doesn't have to be Instagram-worthy. It just needs to help you shift from “I am responsible for everyone” to “I am allowed to just be.” Think of it as a signal to yourself: The shift is over. You don’t have to be on right now.
* And yes, sometimes that signal is crying in the car.
3. Do things outside of work that interest you.
Residency can slowly make your entire identity feel like ‘resident.’ Like your life revolves around your work schedule.
It’s important to make room for something that has nothing to do with being a doctor.
Read a book that has absolutely nothing to do with medicine. Go hiking. Play soccer. Craft. Make something. Watch ‘trashy’ reality TV. Whatever makes you feel like yourself.
Therapist Tip: Don’t make this another daily to-do list item
It doesn't have to happen every day. It doesn't even have to happen every week. It can be a monthly or quarterly thing.
It’s about taking a minute and reminding yourself you're not just ‘resident’ or ‘doctor.’
4. Have a support system.
Bringing someone else into what you're experiencing can feel understandably scary. You may worry that you're admitting you can't handle residency, that someone will think you're weak, dramatic, burned out, or simply not cut out for medicine. But, actually talking about it honestly and without judgement can bring about relief on its own, through venting, laughing, and feeling not alone.
Therapist Tip: Support Networks don’t have to be one kind or look the same.
Your co-resident may be the person who understands exactly why you're crying over something that sounds ‘ridiculous’—and who can laugh with you about it.
A friend or family member may be the person who reminds you that you're still you outside the hospital.
A trusted person in your program may be able to help you navigate workplace dynamics.
And therapy can give you something different: a place where you don't have to be responsible. You don't have to sugarcoat, reassure, or worry about saving face. You can talk honestly about the fear, anger, exhaustion, grief, resentment, or self-doubt—and figure out what you actually need.
Crying after a brutal shift doesn't mean something is ‘wrong’. Sometimes, it's simply what happens when you are finally safe enough to release everything that has built up. It’s like an emotional reset.
But if after crying you're not feeling any sort of relief or recovering that's worth paying attention to.
You’re allowed to be human in medicine, and can find ways of moving forward in practicing medicine without white-knuckling it.
If you're looking for support where you don’t have to be the doctor, worry about judgement, or convince anyone you’re ‘doing ok’, I’d love to help!